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"I think hiring him is a terrible mistake." - Andy Townsend on Brian Kerr's appointment as Irish manager.

"There's been some criticism from ex-pros, but these are the sort of people who think that the world starts at Land's End and ends at John-o'-Groat's." - Bohemians manager Stephen Kenny's response to Townsend's comments (above).

And you can print that." - Páidí Ó Sé, feeling the strain in the Kingdom.

"I don't think Lee Bowyer is racist at all, I think he would stamp on anybody's head." - Rodney Marsh, meaning well, but Bowyer should probably avoid hiring him as a legal representative next time he's in trouble.

I am bitterly disappointed that politics can find no other way than lobbing bombs on my footballers." - Iraq football manager, German Bernd Stange.

"We've made an improvement, and I think from fourth to third at the top of the Premiership is a massive step."Saddam Hussein is more likely to reform himself than Mike Tyson." - Richard J Codey, urging the New Jersey Athletic Board not to re-license the fighter. I don't know where it is, to be honest." - Swindon's splendidly named and geographically challenged Australian midfielder, Danny Invincible.MAY "They have to remember that morality is not suspended because Celtic are in a cup final." - The Archbishop of Glasgow warning Celtic supporters to desist from "reckless sexual behaviour" while in Seville for the UEFA Cup final. Even when he farts he seems to score." - Alessandro del Piero (Juventus) on Ruud van Nistelrooy's gas talents. Well, to be honest, yeah." - England cricket captain Michael Vaughan "There's only one club in Europe that you can leave Manchester United for - Real Madrid or Barcelona." - John Aldridge.And as long as we beat England I wouldn't mind if we lost every other game in the Six Nations." - France's Imanol Harinordoquy, well up for his country's Six Nations' knockabout with Clive Woodward's boys.

"A goal is going to decide this in many ways." - David O'Leary, sharing his expertise with Sky Sports viewers. Maybe I was trapped." - French prop Pieter de Villiers, after testing positive for cocaine and ecstasy.

"There was a fair bit of ritual disembowelment carried out on the team by the media at the time, more to do with a scene from Hannibal than ER." - Irish rugby coach Eddie O'Sullivan, remembering the time the press ate Ireland's liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti (after two Six Nations losses).



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