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While it may seem just that simple from the married side of the fence (just the way it does from the non-depressed side of the fence), it’s not.

If it were, there would be fewer single people wishing they could find a partner and more people finding partners.

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When you have a busy job or children, for example, there may be barriers to going out with every potential match you meet.

However, this does not mean that the person does not still .

Telling her to go out there and do more of what has not worked for her may be practical—there are only so many ways to find potential partners—but of course she’s going to balk.

If you really think they’re hung up on something—low self-esteem, having trouble putting their best foot forward—offer to role-play with them or suggest that therapy might help.

And when they’re ready to try putting themselves out there, you can support them just by being willing to listen to the ups and downs of being out there.

There may well be 8 million people in New York City, but most of them won’t do, and that’s an awful big haystack to sort through. Don’t tell them to stop being picky or make more of an effort.